On: ScrabbleBinxy.Blogspot.com
Author: Carroll Scherber
Author: Carroll Scherber
Created: August 11, 2014
Revised Title: August 04, 2015
Revision: June 14, 2020
Revised Title: August 04, 2015
Revision: June 14, 2020
AKA: Suffering Through the Darkness of Depression
Life isn't easy after death. I died in the month of November upon committing suicide on the weekend after the harvest of Thanksgiving.
I arrived upon a destination, which was isolated and kept a distance from travelers who would bay their vehicles and rest from a long journey’s propulsion where they would find relief at an oasis where many would travel from various areas across our nation. The morning of my death was a chilly winter where the skies are dark and the stars illuminate as halos upon the earth. The earth sits still where the rotation has slowed to where one can examine the rotation through from the buttresses of the trees which redden from the fall season upon their variation of orange and have fallen upon the ground given that the winter’s solstice has frozen the roots of the pillars that rise and support themselves from the ground where we place our feet. I arrived upon this destination because I knew it was secluded. I also knew my body would be left undiscovered. For, those who would find my body would trek over my carcass like animals to either urinate or defecate as they passed over my body. I sat there with the knowledge and intention to commit suicide because my life was become more and more controlled by others who would seek me out and persecute me because I was unlike other men or women. I was unlike other men and women because I laid dead underneath the mass of two animals who sought out to fornicate with an animal who was in heat for the sweat and smell of another man’s warmth.
I contemplated and I contemplated with a strong intention to consume the medication which was prescribed for sleep; the medication was prescribed initially because I was not sleeping well and to aid me with my depression. I suffered from insomnia and depression which lead to anxiety and agitation; the medication that was prescribed was Trazodone. The descriptions listed by the following websites for Trazodone along with its side effects are:
Trazodone is an antidepressant medicine. It affects chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced and cause depression Trazodone is used to treat major depressive disorder.
An overdose of trazodone can be fatal when it is taken with alcohol, barbiturates such as phenobarbital, or sedatives such as Diazepam (Valium).
Overdose symptoms may include extreme drowsiness, vomiting, penis erection that is painful or prolonged, fast or pounding heartbeat, seizure (black-out or convulsions), or breathing that slows or stops.
Common side effects of Trazodone oral: with Less Severity
Less Serve: Dizzy, Drowsiness, Feel like Throwing Up, Head Pain, Incomplete or Infrequent Bowel Movements, and Throwing Up
Infrequent side effects of Trazodone oral: with Severity and Less Severity
Severe: Confused, Feeling Faint, and Involuntary Quivering
Less Severe: Muscle Pain and Weight Gain
Rare side effects of Trazodone oral: with Severity and Less Severity
Less Severe: Blurred Vision, Diarrhea, Feeling Weak, Twitching, and Weight Loss
Severe: Anemia, Anxious, Bloody Urine, Brain Disease or Injury causing Inability to Communicate, Change in Appetite, Chest Pain, Chills, Chronic Heart Failure, Continued Painful Erection, Excessive Sweating, Fast Heartbeat, Feeling of Restlessness with Inability to Sit Still, Frequent Urination, Gas, Hallucination, Numbness, Numbness and Tingling, Over Excitement, Periods of Not Breathing, Seizures, Slow Heartbeat, Stroke, and Uncoordinated
I was dressed for the cold climate weather; I sat there listening… and talking…, to whom? To those that were listening. The contemplation lead me to the remember of those who had forgotten me; who are those that had forgotten who I am are those that have led to my persecution, whether it be before my suffocation where I was smothered underneath two men or after my suffocation because before my suffocation I was a normal human being with a job, with hopes, with dreams, with friends, with animals, with courage, with honor, and with nobility. And, after my suffocation… I have honor, I have courage, I have nobility; what I lack are friends, family, animals, a home, wages, and warmth of another individual for whom I could share my experiences and my abilities in who I have become for the future we could hold together is a strong one where others may be weak to an end where the end has means for one to come together.
I sat in a car that I now call “Animal Kingdom Mobile;” the listeners were those who are of the natural and of the supernatural where those that hear the call of the Horn that blew for all Angels to hear. As I sat with my feet upon the pedals which propelled me toward my destination point to a journey that I was uncertain to take with one foot upon the metals of the undercarriage and with that one foot still on the steel and rubber which would push the animal inside outward from an oasis where the trees pillar upon their buttresses and the water that ran came from a faucet which was made from the steel that we toil with the sweat and backache from our labor. That pedal which ever so moves up and down or forward and backward is has been vulcanized to ensure its strength… its grips upon the soles of our feet so we do not lose the pace for which we travel into the unknown. I withdrew the medication from my jacket; I glared at the label as I would glare into the unknown through my windshield which holds a view of darkness, the tar is black which laid upon the gravel which laid upon the earth which was made from the lava and oil which burned from beneath the waters and sand and the skies are darkened from the lack of rays which would redden our backsides. The darkness I saw was from within a bottle which held a label for death; death meant a journey which had no end because the suicide had no need but to only alleviate the pain and torment which I could no longer endure because one of the last words I heard was “Die”.
The label which is adhered to the bottle is placed there for a reason just as the labels which are upon our nameplates; my name plate was also placed inside my pocket where it was dark and where my eyes could not see through the fabric which was woven from the cotton which was harvested by the workforce of labor with an animal kingdom. Labels hold pieces of information such as names and places where our name plates hide behind a barrier which ensures its safe keeping but also ensures its hiding places which tell us something about who we are and where we come from just as the dates which chronicle the life expectancy to either the bottle which contains a dosage or a driver’s license which bears a date where places, ages and expirations come to renewal. The bottle is now open and death has been unleashed and ready for consumption just as our lives our consumed by each other whereas a bottle containing death can contain hope for a future with each other can learn from a man who had committed suicide. With water in hand which was delivered from an aquifer, bottled, and delivered upon the backside of a wagon where man and animal had traveled to a place to bring an oasis worth of wealth; and death in hand sixty tablets were consumed and a reservoir of water was delivered to a darkened place to dissolve into a reservoir of blood to where the place of death will be lite and the floor will be cold. I placed hand and bottle to mouth and swallowed death not knowing that hope was already on its way; the voices are voices not just sounds of the wind, sounds of the breaking ice that comes from the moisture which batters our faces or breaks within the wind, or sounds that come from the audience whether they applaud or whether they cheer, the voices are those who sought me out and those who have chosen to either be my friend or to be my antagonist because either way the sounds are the winds which will cause my audience to Clair.
